Today I went on a spontaneous participant recruiting adventure. Somebody at one of the music schools I recently contacted got back to me, eager to help, and suggested I pay them a visit.

So I did, and it was my most disastrous attempt at recruiting to date.

The first person I was introduced to laughed in my face when I said that I could offer a $30 travel reimbursement as compensation. She said I could come in and pay for a lesson, and she would tell me all about how musicians play expressively.

The second stood in the doorway of her studio after I explained about the study and said blankly, "So, what do you want from me?"

The third said it wasn't worth asking any of his beginners to participate, because beginners lack the musical maturity of skilled musicians, so obviously you can't compare them. And he couldn't participate himself, because he was busy writing a 700,000 word book and didn't have the time. This he said while sitting in an empty room, the paper in his lap, doing the crossword.

The other teacher who might have been able to help wasn't in, so the guy who was showing me around said, "Here, I'll ring her for you," and handed me his mobile. "She'll think it's me, but you can just explain."

And that's when my day went from craptacular to pooptastic. You can't just hand me a mobile and ask me to explain! Doesn't he know that I can't talk on the phone without a script? Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, English was not the first language of this other teacher, so she remained blissfully lost among my inarticulate flounderings until she gave up, said she couldn't help, and hung up.

So, yeah. Like I said. DISASTROUS.