Thursday, August 01, 2013

Colony an der Donau

Leave Krems an der Donau via the Donauradweg; head south, cross the river, and take up the trail on the other side. From there, follow the river as it winds southeast, then northeast, then southeast, then northeast, then southeast again towards the nuclear plant that has never been used and, eventually, the town of Tulln.

As you approach Tulln, the path abandons the river and passes through a bit of farmland.

There are cornfields, chickens, some distinctly farm-like smells, and... a triffid colony.

There are some things you should know about triffids. First, as is usually the case when you find yourself outnumbered by extraterrestrials, it is wise to ask for an audience with their leader. You may be required to submit yourself to thorough telepathic examination before your request is granted.

If you pass the examination, you'll be handed over to your escort. (If you fail, start praying to your preferred deity). Your escort's name will be Chirp, and she will be spunky. She will make you wonder whether Dee Dee and Dash grew up and had a triffid child. 

You may be a little nervous by the time you meet the queen, but there's really no need. Triffids don't eat people. They suck out their souls and harvest the empty bodies for spare parts upon occasion, but that doesn't hurt. Besides, Methuselah is a gracious hostess. Ruthless at times, but she can be as kind as she is wise. Show her the proper respect, and she'll offer you a cup of sunshine, because that's what a triffid does when it's happy - it shines its countenance upon you with the joy and warmth of a hundred suns. 

Just don't insult her dreds, and don't tell her she looks past her prime, or she will smite you. When triffids smite you, they smite you with the terror and despair of a hundred black holes. 

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