Tuesday, February 05, 2008

howdy, folks. my name is rodolphus mcderbyshire.

I like fresh grass, tuna sandwiches and long walks along the mountainside. today I'm here to give you a exclusive, one-time tour of bish's quarters - so grab a shovel and a box of cheez-its and let's be off!

here is bish's room. note how there's not a particle of dust in sight. surfaces sparkle with cleanliness. this is because bish is a very tidy individual.

ok, I lie. that was the picture bish sent her parents. this is bish's room in its natural state.

bish does her best work when her workspace is a jumble of activity. activity and dirty dishes. and nutella.

please take note of a) bish's football mug, purchased at harrods for precisely £1.95, b) bish's cd player, proof that she dwells in the stone age, c) bish's pile of piano music, which does not include anything by prokofiev, and d) bish's blue binder, which is actually purple and full of statistics notes, none of which mention confirmatory factor analysis, a fact that is causing bish much grief.

this is bish's shower floor. what is a toilet doing in the shower, you ask? an excellent question, and one to which bish has given much thought.

it occurred to her that, perhaps, the goal was to clean the entire bathroom with every shower; however, everyone knows that cleaning is done with hot water, and hot water is not what comes out of the shower taps. bish is presently at a loss and would welcome any solutions to this conundrum.

let's move down the hall. this is the common room. the common room is connected to the kitchen, but there won't be pictures of the kitchen because it is boring and smelly - smelly due to the fact that bish's flatmates have not quite grasped the concept of recycling and keep dumping egg shells and rotting veggie stew in every bin but the proper garbage.

want to see bish's groceries? chocolate chip weetabix, canned peaches, bread, shepherd's pie mix, potatoes. all a girl needs in life.

see all those veggies on the top shelf? those are bish's.

I lie again. those belong to bish's flatmate, who is a vegan. the rice pudding, strawberry yogurt, big honkin' container of butter and bigger honkin' jar of mayo - those are bish's - as is the lettuce, I may add, which was drowned in caesar dressing and eaten with chicken that bish may or may not have cooked thoroughly for dinner tonight.

I'll close with a photo capturing the view out bish's window. it's raining again in south yorkshire. order has been restored to the universe!

it's back to the hills for me. thank you for your time.

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