this is what my spaceship looks like.





kinda cool, isn't it? you should see the insides. shiny. lots of green and blue lights. picture serenity on acid, with fireman poles instead of stairs and glow-in-the-dark stars on the walls. and a pool. with bamboo and purple underwater lighting.


a couple days ago I docked my ship in birmingham. nice people, brummies, but gullible. I decided to make me a spot of cash. because my produce was Foreign, arranged in complicated geometric designs and sold out of a giant, misshapen edifice coated in 15,000 circular aluminum discs, I set the prices a bit higher than you'd find at the local tesco.


here, for instance. Jif Peanut Butter. pardon the blurriness; I was a bit excited. if you look closely at the bottom right hand corner, you will see the little tag that says £4.75.





mac & cheese! if people will pay £3.99 for the family size, what are you going to do? charge them £2.99? absolument pas.





fluff...





pancakes...





and the main effect: lucky charms, going for only £7.99. now I know at the current exchange rate that's equivalent to about US $16.00, and I realize that's a bit more than you'd typically pay for a box of cereal, but this isn't just any box of cereal. this is Lucky Charms, a Foreign Entity, and it's being sold out of a spaceship covered in 15,000 circular aluminum discs.





ok, not a spaceship. it's a department store called selfridges. it has a krispy kreme factory and sells everything, including reses peanut butter cups and 8-foot long tigers made of jelly bellies. and real canadian maple syrup (not pictured). and fluff.


no, I didn't buy any of it, not even the fluff. I spent a total of £1.88 on food during the course of the trip, which, I believe, is a new record. but I did stop to calculate what proportion £7.99 was of my weekly food budget and consider whether I could make 40% of my week's meals out of lucky charms.