Saturday, July 19, 2008

what is it that propells you out of bed in the morning? or rather, allows your assorted limbs to spill onto the floor, if that's how you greet your day? is it the effect of the grating sound of your alarm clock on your ears? the unnatural desire to get up and do work? the rather alarming realisation that you've not touched a computer in over six hours? the need to pee?

for me, it is the thought of food. not even joking, chocolate chip weetabix, toast, curry and man alive could I do with a big pile of blueberry pancakes and american bacon are the first things to pop into my mind. then I open my eyes, realise I'm in my new flat, and remember that there are no more than ten steps between me and a shower with water so intensely lobster-boiling hot that even I, lover of heat, fire and all things heat and fire-related, cannot tolerate it on its highest level. one grim recollection of the lukewarm misery I've endured for the past ten months, and the thought propells me right out of bed.

but I'll tell you what doesn't get me out of bed. what makes me tempted to curl up in a ball under my blankets and forgo even my daily extreme heat intake - remembering, with a sickening jolt to the stomach, that I am supposed to go to a house party tonight. people will be there. and what's worse, people I don't know will be there too. I only agreed to go because it's a coursemate's birthday and I thought it would be rude to say no. also, I couldn't think up a good excuse.

earlier today, while making a sandwich out of deli meat that expired two days ago, I even caught myself thinking 'if it makes me sick, that would be an excellent reason not to go to the party.' tell me, could I be any more desperate right now?

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