My family members are all very considerate people. If, God forbid, some form of injury or illness were to befall one of them, I trust the others would let me know in the kindest and gentlest way possible.

Nevertheless, when I got a collect call from "mumdied" yesterday, the panic hit me like a load of bricks and my stomach dropped to about the level of my feet. (No, I did not accept the charges...)

To Shane, the igit I've never met who placed all 8 of the calls: Dude. That's just not something you do to someone whose entire family is on the other side of the world.