here in the bishop household, we believe in helping all animals celebrate christmas. even little brothers and dogs get stockings, for example. squirrels are allowed to eat from the birdfeeder without random's supervision. geoff and I bought (geoff picked out, I paid for, along with half his christmas presents) an air freshener for the car so the dead animal in there can decompose in peace without us whining about the smell.


dead rodents that find their way into our christmas decorations, however, are an exception to the rule. my sister was adjusting a wreath on the back door when she squealed and started laughing. "a dead mouse just jumped out of the wreath," she said.


"no, it didn't," said my dad.


"no, it didn't," said my mom, "I glued berries onto that wreath a couple days ago."


"yes, it did," pam said. random and I ran over to check it out. there was a dark grey little mouse corpse with a stiff tail on the floor at her feet. "yes, it did," I said. or spluttered, since I was laughing too hard to speak.


"I glued berries onto that wreath a couple days ago," said my mom. "it was sitting on the kitchen counter. holy dyin' bald-headed moses. it was sitting on the kitchen counter."