my great contribution to mankind was born six or seven years ago at the crosby field tennis courts in kenmore. it was there that my brother and I spent most of the summer, and there that I developed my Theory of the Conservation of Energy.


the body's energy is limited, and people have an inherent drive to conserve it. the amount of energy expendible to me depends on my food intake and the efficiency of my metabolism. excess energy is then available for such activities as hitting tennis balls, kicking soccer balls, and riding bikes. it is in my best interest to abstain from wasting energy on things I deem to be unimportant.


therefore, geoffrey should pick up all the tennis balls. and refill my empty milk glass. and bring me my clean laundry.


in recent days, it has become increasingly apparent that my dream of a world where I am free to conserve energy at my will may never be realized. everywhere I turn, with everything I do, more and more energy is ripped from me kicking and screaming. take blogger, for instance. under the old regime, my user name and password totaled 16 digits. since new blogger has come into power, I am forced to type no fewer than 29 digits every time I log in. it's despicable. and I won't even get into those new ketchup bottles at burwash. the ones you have to walk the entire width of the dining hall for?


soon, I won't even have the energy left to massive sigh. what is the world coming to?